The Laws of Ultimate Reality

Here are some funny (and many times true) "laws". I'm not sure who first wrote these, but they were sent to me by e-mail.


The Laws of Ultimate Reality

The Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

The Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

The Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

The Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

The Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

The Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

The Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

The Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

The Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

The Law of Bio-mechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

The Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Law of the Movies
If the movie is but sparsely attended, someone will come to sit directly in front of you. Every time.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

The Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

The Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

The Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Gary's Restaurant Law
If you wait until after the lunch hour to avoid the crowds and noise, a family with screaming children will be seated next to you within 3 minutes. Even if the restaurant is otherwise empty.